Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
