i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
