I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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