I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
