Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
