Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
