and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
