i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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