so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
