So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't turn off my feet"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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