My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
