Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
