I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
