I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
