I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
