Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to stick my p in your. b.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
