I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
