but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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