you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
