You're my little dorito
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
