That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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