finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
