just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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