So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
