Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
