when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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