Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
