is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
