I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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