sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
