I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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