whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
