At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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