White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
