I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
