EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
