i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
