I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This gyro tastes like lonliness
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
