I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
