he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
