..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
