You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
