dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
