WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
