I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
