Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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