don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
