i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
