glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
