Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
