she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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