the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
