She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
