Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
