so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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