i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
