i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
