I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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