i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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