OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
